As previously mentioned in this blog, the young William Shakespeare spent many happy years in Stornoway before he found fame and fortune as a playwrite. Whilst in Stornoway, Shakespeare started work on his first play. This was a very rough and ready affair called ‘MacLeod’. As the previous blog entry explains;
“Inspired by the many tales of the Viking settlement of Lewis, the young William started work on his first play in 1586, known today as ‘The Stornoway Play’. The storyline involved the arrival of the first Vikings on Lewis, a cunning plot to cut down all the trees and build thousands of windmills (the corn milling kind) across the Barvas Moor in order to provide a ready supply of porridge, and eventually a plan to tow the island back to Norway which results in the break up of the island chain.
The original manuscript was discovered recently in an old fish box (wrapped in a 1592 edition of the Stornoway Gazette) in the old stables behind the Lewis Hotel and is currently undergoing a modern day treatment by Theatre He-ho-ro.”
We are privileged to be able to bring you excerpts from this manuscript.
MacLeod by Uilleam Shakespeare
ACT I
Scene 1
A bleak headland, evening, a lone figure sitting by a fire outside a hermits stone cell
MURDO (Hermit)
These years past I’ve lived at peace, a hermit in cold seclusion,
I’ve spurned the trappings of modern life, the better to earn absolution.
No homely comforts for this Holy Man, just berries, nuts, (some gammon?)
and chill-ed water from the stream (and, ahem, occasionally a poach’d salmon).
And no discourse with man I have, no contact I beget,
(Except upon a Thursday, when I go in town for the Gazette.
As night approaches and day retires, I gaze out on the sea.
And lo what is that I behold, between the horizon and me?
My eyes upon the water stare and look out on strange shapes,
I see a speck, grown larger now, and is that billowing drapes??
Giant curtains? A boat? A beast? A dragon prow perchance?
Ohhh fleeking hengoes! It’s Viking sails a-dance!
I must away and warn the town that the Norseman’s come to visit
And I hope that I don’t get caught or they’ll slit me to my gizzard
What ho! There’s fellows on yond beach. I must warn them as well.
And then we must to Stornoway, run like merrie hell.
Scene 2
A viking longship in the north Atlantic, dawn
BJORN ( A Viking Chief)
I stand in the prow of my fine craft, scanning the sea both front and aft.
I’ve left my lands, my fiord, my past, to discover the fable New World at last
Riches untold in that land of honey, (the set kind that’s not too runny)
I’ll bring a fortune in my hold, and pay off my debts to the gods of old
No more will Thor be on my case, since I lost a load on yon horse race.
Sail with me warriors! Strike up a song!!
To raise our spirits as the journey will be long
We’ll see no landfall for many a moon – I can’t see us finding the New World anytime soon!
VIKING WARRIOR (A Viking Warrior)
Land Ho!!!!
BJORN
What????
VIKING WARRIOR
Land ho!! Off the port beam!!!
BJORN
Oh……
OLAF (Another Viking)
He’s right my Lord I see a shape, a darkened isle beneath night’s cape
We’ll make landfall before o’er long, so there’s not really much time to strike up a song.
BJORN
Ohh, I thought the New World would be further, are you really sure it’s not some place other?
OLAF
Yes my Lord there is no doubt, see even the sun sets the other way about!
In the east and not the west, like the wisemen wisely guessed.
BJORN
Send for Ragnar he is clever, we’ll question him and he’ll endevour
To explain it all in easy terms, that tax not my brain
OLAF
Send forth Ragnar The Clever
VIKING WARRIOR
Send forth Ragnar
RAGNAR (A clever Viking)
My Lord I’m here, you wish my aid? My Council? Or perhaps some mead?
BJORN
I’ve no time for drink despite its merits, Look, see before us! Lands to inherit!
Is this the New World in all its glory? As the Bard’s once formed in story?
RAGNAR
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes. Probably.
OLAF
And it looks a green and fertile place, with trees and woods with a delicate grace
And farms and pastures overstuffed, with cow and swine to make us chuffed!
BJORN
And what about hives? And bees and honey?
RAGNAR
I’m sure there’s plenty worth the journey.
BJORN
Then to the oars and strike for land! Let us ready our warrior band.
This day we plunder and we pillage. In fact we’ll start with yonder village!
Scene 3
A beach, early morning, two men approach each other
DIGGUM (A Court Jester)
This blone I yearn for has brak’d mine heart
I know not what I’ve done
She says no more she’ll court with me
and so now I’m getting none
BOGEY (A Court Jester)
Pshaw you gawk, you waste your time
so what if you’re to blame
me thinks you’ve ‘scaped and not too soon
Cos I think she’s on ‘the game’
DIGGUM
My Cursty! No, no, not a chance
I should prepare thee for a wallop!
What care I for her many foibles
or indeed if she’s a trollop
BOGEY
She was just using your good nature
that no good fleekin’ girl
Using your good station
To get closer to the Earl
DIGGUM
You give me pause for thought, you do
Some words may-have some truth
I always wondered what she did
By the harbour in yon booth
BOGEY
If I were you I’d breath a sigh
And forget about this blone
Look elsewhere for loves desires
Cos you’re better off alone
DIGGUM
Me thinks your fleekin’ right, ma tha
I wish I’d found out more soons
All because this social climber
Is aiming for the Earl’s pantaloons!
BOGEY
But wait! What sight in yonder hillside comes?
A cove is making haste, here hence.
with mighty strides he runneth forth
Fleek me, he’s cleared yon fence!
DIGGUM
It’s Murdo that lives upon the cliffs
A hermits life so crabbit.
You’re right about the speed he’s going
He’s scaring all the rabbits
BOGEY
Something fears him mightily
He looks like he’s boked his drarsh
And it might have some connection
with these Viking ‘jacky-tars!
Scene 4
a heath, early morning
MURDO
I must get me hence to a brewery as strong drink I desire, and I shall drink many tankards once I cross this mire.
Heng, what the fleek is up ahead, figures in the mist, they seem to be two witches, for I can hear them hiss!
PEIGI MAIRI (Blone from Tolsta/Witch)
When shall we two meet again?
CHRISSY PEIGI (Another blone from Tolsta/Witch)
Probably around about half past ten.
PEIGI MAIRI
We’ve got to make a marag dudh.
PEIGI MAIRI
Ahh fleek I’d forgotten, thats the truth.
CHRISSY PEIGI
There’s too much work for chust two of us.
PEIGI MAIRI
No time for potions, nor to work a curse.
CHRISSY PEIGI
We should recruit another soul.
PEIGI MAIRI
There’s bound to be witches on the ‘dole’.
CHRISSY PEIGI
Fell beasts to feed, and covens to see
PEIGI MAIRI
If only ‘stead of two we were three!!
CHRISSY PEIGI
But wait! See yonder in the bog
PEIGI MAIRI
It’s chust some cove out having a jog
CHRISSY PEIGI
Let’s have a crack and scare his wits
PEIGI MAIRI
We’ll pretend we’re going to cook his bits!
CHRISSY PEIGI
Booooooooo!!!
MURDO
What the fleek! You startled me, begone you smelly hags
Or I shall get Calan Bow to turn you into marags
PEIGI MAIRI
Calan Bow! Oh no not that. We’re only having a laugh
CHRISSY PEIGI
We wouldn’t want to upset him, we’re really not that daft
PEIGI MAIRI
We’re just out to take the air, and cast a spell or two
CHRISSY PEIGI
And we’ll even cast your fortune as a special treat for you
MURDO
What lies ahead for me you mean? Into the great unknown?
How can I trust predictions from you, you scabby blone.
PEIGI MAIRI
We shall tell your fortune true, so please cove don’t you fret
CHRISSY PEIGI
And what we say is more reliable than the Stornoway Gazette
PEIGI MAIRI
We see great change upon this land and the dogs of war do hunt
CHRISSY PEIGI
Great war and pestilence, and all the trees they do grow burnt.
PEIGI MAIRI
Warriors on dragons come, in search of new found land
CHRISSY PEIGI
In fact I think that’s one approaching along Ardroil sand.
Scene 5
Irish minstrels in coracles in the middle of the sea, fleeing from something…
BARNEY
Feck me, this is a painful slog, a’ drift the sea alone
Nine days inside a coracle,and battered by the foam
I can’t swim and don’t understand,
why we couldn’t go on tour by land?
SEAMUS
A Barney-bochd you know full well the reason we’ve decamped
And you cannot tour the Hebrides without getting a wee bit damp
If we’d stayed upon the Shamrock shore, our petards would be hoist
So the choice was pain and torture or put up with being slightly moist?
CHARLES
He’s got a point old Barney has, about this choppy sea
These rocks remain a constant threat, did we really have to flee?
EAMON
And well you know the reason why, so cease now with your prattle
Wasn’t it not all your idea to steal yon fleekin’ cattle?
SHONNY
Yus indeed oh Charlie boy on you the blame must lay
Didn’t you know that Queen was fond of all her Charolais?
CHARLES
Happy to meet the risk you were
And there’s no going back now
Each and everyone of us is known
As the man who kill’t a merry cow
BARNEY
And now look at us all looking pale
This is an unfortunate cup of ale.
sudden turmoil as a viking longship passes
EAMON
Fleek me! will you look at yonder ship
It nearly ran us down
It seems to be making westward-ish
Towards that little town
CHARLES
Quick, chuck a rope and get a tow
We can follow it to land
They’re probably gentle merchants
Who would like to hear a band.
Act 2
Scene 1
Stornoway Castle
Clamour, alarums and excursions. Earl of Stornoway sits on his throne in his great hall.
STORNOWAY (A nobleman)
What’s that noise? Who’se banging so? My head is fain to split!
FOOTMAN
I think it’s someone at the doors, I’ll check, so just you sit.
Footman leaves to investigate
STORNOWAY
Can’t a man be left in peace.I was nearly off to sleep. Factor! Get thee hither its time to earn your keep.
FACTOR
My Lord, I’m here, you called me hence.What ails you? You seem stilted?
STORNOWAY
You’re right my friend, you sense my spirit. I’m not feeling very gunhilted.
Footman returns in haste
FOOTMAN
Murdo the Hermit is at the door, he’s giving it a clout.
FACTOR
What’s he doing in Stornoway, the Gazette is not yet out?
FOOTMAN
He says he must seek audience, he has grim news of things
STORNOWAY
Well so long as its not anything pertaining to Vikings
Footman leaves and returns with Murdo
MURDO
My Lord I must impart to you grave tidings of lament
STORNOWAY
Don’t tell me that once again you’re behind with the rent?
MURDO
No my Lord its worse than that. I’ve seen the dragon prow!
FACTOR
You mean to say…?
STORNOWAY
In a roundabout way….
MURDO
That the Norse are coming now!
MURDO
I spotted sails last evens’ time, approaching like a sea beast, a longship with a dragons head and eighty oars at least.
FACTOR
What was their destination, could you perceive their plot?
MURDO
I didn’t feel to tarry, so fast away I got!
STORNOWAY
They could be in this bay by now in full view of this Castle
FACTOR
This pile is falling ’round our ears, they’ll capture it no hassle.
STORNOWAY
stands and draws sword
Summon forth my arm-ed men and loudly blow the horn. Who will not join with me to defend the honour of Storn?
FACTOR
Your arm-ed men? My Lord, you jest. Our budget has constrain’s. We’ve only got two jesters, and they’re both fixing the drains.
STORNOWAY
Well, summon them and stand them forth, they are our last defense. My heart has sinking feelings as I know both of them be dense.
FACTOR
Summon forth the Court Jesters! Diggum! Stop at nowt! Bogie fetch your jangly hat and put down your carry out.
STORNOWAY
Meet me on the Castle Green where we shall make known our dissent. And gentlemen still abed will be fleekin’ glad they’re absent.
exit stage left